heartbreak.

Today marks the best and the worst day . How great can my day be ? It's like i don't even know how to explain how i feel . The best is because it's my last day of UT2 . Complete all my papers at one go . However my mood has to be dampen .

Seriously , from the start everything was fine . but it was because of past feelings and assumptions , it became an argument out of a joke . My throat feels so choked with my tears that i cant even cry , and it is a feeling that i had not felt in years .

You behave like a child , always defending your stand , no matter how unreasonable you sound , you will still want to have it your way , I get it , guys have pride , but some how , a certain topic might need a guy to be much more sensitive than usual . But you do not understand that point , i do not need you to tell me you will love me the way i am . I know and i get it that you will . But all i need is a it's alright , we can work this out together .

You will always feel that I would always vent my anger out , but do you even understand why i say such things . It's because sometimes i want you to prove to me that you are not like that . Such like when i call you childish and immature i actually wish you would reflect and think why i told you that . You said you made changes , i am glad you did .

Now i get it why research has shown that girls are always 5 mental age older than a guys , because girl mature faster and would be much more sensitive especially when they are nearing their period . But you just did not understand that , and yet i always get yell at no matter how many time i lower my voice or even told you to blame yourself first before blaming others.

I am to blame as when i am unhappy i would choose not to reply to massages or even to phone calls . The reason is that i would want to compose myself to the surrounding and also at the same time understand the situation and cool myself down , so that i do not have the impulse to say things i am not supposed to say .

When i say feel that it is not worth any more , as i do not find the point to always quarrel , and not knowing when to stop .  It is very tired to fight a war with yourself and also with the one you love most . As the one you love most suspects you of having an affair or even have a change of heart , as because there is a slight change in attitude . It just creates more tension and it builds up the heartaches and grudges held against one another.

I do not like it when you include a third party in our quarrel such like my sister or my friends . As i do not find it is necessary but you think i am being defensive . This will always be a quarrel , as i will feel annoyed because after so long , you think that i'm defensive .

Even though we may be of different level , but i have never once looked down on you , I know you may feel inferior but i mean no harm . I am a very ambitious person, and i do not like to depend on others , as i want to go far and share the joy with you . But that is not how you feel , i always give in , but i do not want to limit myself to only one choice . We may have huge communication gap , we always try to fill it up , but somehow , you still do not understand . I know i have limited patience , but my patience level increase as i knew you and i always hope that you would remember what i told you . As somethings i told you the day before , and when i were to remind you again , you accuse me of not telling you .


Finally , please do not treat me like one of your accuse . As i do not want this relationship to be solely based on evidence love . It is annoying and this would stir up distrust and also at the same time grudges. 


There maybe many reason why we fight , we cannot get along , we hate , but there is only one reason why I love you . I know i am not allowed to rant on twitter or on Facebook , but after this post i really hope you would understand a little more and have a better patience level . As being the only one who is clapping alone is very tried .

Too many things on my mind , wanted to share with someone , but i'm sure i'll be told that they are not important and why do i have to care what others feel . 

Had a sudden meet up yesterday with Xj , amanda and Kc . Celebrated Kc birthday in advance , and well hope he likes the cake , buffet and the card . :) Really enjoy last minute plans , Amanda drove us over to parkway for dinner and also for Starbucks . Come to think of it , we are all growing old , such like having the age to have a licence ... Felt super nostalgic , such like having recess with them , walking home tgt , getting thrown out of class for the same reason tgt . It's like when we were all still in Secondary school , we have each other , and now , it's the real world , we cant be dependent on one another . 

I'm so glad that i met you guys , knowing you was my pleasure and being friends with you all was my honor . 

Lastly , i'm thankful for you , no matter how upset i was with my friends or family , you would cheer me up . Thank you deary , love you in every language .